Category: Uncategorized

  • Am I Worried Too Much About Other People’s Problems?

    Have you heard about people who’ve taken sick days to recuperate from the heavy emotional toll of world events? When a tragedy strikes, some people are so caught up in the details and the stories that it affects their ability to function.


  • What Causes Lack of Self Awareness?

    If you’re particularly aware of your surroundings and what makes people tick, it may surprise you to discover how little self-awareness some people have. It seems preposterous to go through life unaware of why we want what we want, why we do what we do, and why we avoid what we avoid.
    More people lack self awareness than those who are self aware. But why?

    There are several reasons why. First, we have to remember Maslov’s hierarchy of needs. This pyramid graphic portrays how people focus all their attention on core needs first, then work their way up the ladder as their needs are met.

    Tier 1 is food, water, clothing, and safety. Without enough food to eat or clean water to drink, it doesn’t really matter how you feel about your social standing in life. It doesn’t matter how others receive you or whether you are fulfilling your life’s calling. These are problems of privilege.

    So the first reason why people lack self awareness is because of greater needs.

    Now think of anyone you might have met who was abused as a child. It would be no great surprise if these people lack a solid sense of self awareness, because their childhoods were framed by pain, betrayal, fear, and shame. Basic security needs were never met.

    There’s another group of people who were neglected or abused as children who seem hyper aware and hyper vigilant towards the perceived threat of danger.

    These people may be extremely self aware in some categories, while sorely deficient in others. That’s because a focused need can motivate a person to scrutinize and observe the how, what, and why behind a set of life choices to the exclusion of other “less important” areas of their lives.

    Second, a person may lack self awareness because they lacked a mentor or influential figure who demonstrated what self awareness looks like in action.

    As children, we learn from close proximity and observation. Our parents and siblings, neighbors and friends are most likely to introduce new interests, hobbies, mindsets, and traditions. We pick it up from others and eventually we modify it our own lives.

    Third, we avoid truths out of willful ignorance. I and many folks like me in my hometown feared they “unknowable” questions surrounding health, wellness, disease, and longevity. We didn’t know what was conspiracy theory and what was fact.

    And worse yet, we didn’t know how to develop skill at knowing the difference. And so the hopelessness and helplessness of our ignorance drove many of us to indifference. We stopped caring and we hardened our hearts toward health warnings and nutritional labels and proactive health care. We grew cynical. We felt powerless.We refused to continue living in a vulnerable state. So we chose to withdraw from the subject entirely. Sound familiar?

  • Are Decorative Towels a Sign We’ve Lost Our Way?

    Are Decorative Towels a Sign We’ve Lost Our Way?

    A friend from high school recently posted a meme on Facebook of a fall seasonal kitchen towel. The meme was a funny PSA to inform men NOT to wipe their grubby hands on these towels because they are intended ONLY for decoration.

    Check it out below!

    In response, she insisted that this PSA shouldn’t be limited to fall or winter specific towels but also year-round decorative towels.

    Too funny. This is where I had comments.

    I hold sincere affection for this woman. And I acknowledge she’s clearly able to do whatever she pleases with her own home. None of my comments below are directed at her. But since it came up, let’s use this topic to illustrate a tradition many Americans practice without thinking.

    So let’s start at the beginning. Why would anyone showcase decorative towels in the first place?

    Because the photos on Pinterest and Zillow showcase perfectly arranged decor with perfect towels hanging from the oven rack and the bathroom towel bar. Movie sets and tv shows paint pictures of perfectly decorated rooms, untouched by the grit of daily living.

    And when we see these perfect homes and families, we aspire to attain the level of beauty and peace and warmth they make us feel.

    To reproduce the ideal, we buy decorative towels and other items that look like items that would be used daily, and we put them on display hanging them just so perfectly folded. But the idyllic appearance will be tarnished by actual use.

    So we’ve succeeded in replicating the ideal. Except those ideals are fictitious. We create unnecessary obstacles for ourselves.

    If my decorative towels take up all the available towel bars in both the kitchen and the bathroom, then I have to use additional storage space for my actual daily used towels somewhere out of you. So when I need a REAL towel I have to take extra steps and extra time to get my hidden towels.

    Now imagine how many different times in our home and in our personal lives we displace and replace what’s practical and natural and useful for what’s decorative and resembles an ideal we saw somewhere else.

    How much money did we have to spend to achieve that ideal? How much time did we spend working to earn the money to achieve that ideal? How much inconvenience did we create by reallocating space time energy for decoration rather than application?

    Where do we draw the line?

    I love a well-designed home, and I enjoy paintings, sculptures, and other decorative items. I still find them to be useful for enhancing the warmth and energy and vitality of a home. But I I find the most unnecessary decorations to be those that replace the space of a practical item with an impractical item.

    For example, a bookshelf with decorative books that a person will never read simply because they look pretty is a waste of space. Especially if one actually owns books they actually want to read which now must be stored elsewhere.

    If you don’t own books to read, but you want to have a bookshelf for decoration, that’s less of a conflict. But decorative towels, books, and pillows that aren’t intended for practical use get in the way of regular daily life.

    If you want to sit down on your couch you have to move the decorative pillows. You have to put them somewhere. That either means you place the collection on the floor (which looks bad and could get dirty), or you’ve also purchased some sort of storage trunk or coffee table with a container to facilitate their storage during use.

    Then you have extra work to put the decorative pillows back on the couch when you get up do you have created additional work time energy and expense for yourself in order to achieve this one decoration.

    The Takeaway

    If you’re feeling triggered or criticized, let’s pause and refocus the message of this page. I’m not saying you’ve failed at adulting. Live your best life the way you see fit. But while I do the same, one of the things I do is question the “WHY” behind what I do, and in that process I make adjustments when my habits or worldview doesn’t pass muster.

    The goal is to examine our own lives and to know why we do what we do. And it’s important to ask ourselves if the smallest things (like throw pillows) hint at opportunities to streamline and improve the function of our daily lives.

  • Honest Doubt is Better than Faux Faith

    “Christianity has suffered more casualties from faux faith than from honest doubt.”


  • The Dark Side of Living By Faith

    The Dark Side of Living By Faith

    Worship songs about victory, healing, and unconditional love can hurt like barbed wire to people desperately searching for a way out of anxiety and trauma.

    There’s nothing quite so isolating as hearing “your people” convey a completely different reality than you live each and every day.